Because I've gotten in the habit of going to bed so late every night, as a cause of Webchatting with my boyfriend living on Pacific time, I can't sleep right now. I should be exhausted though.
I can't sleep because I've been very bothered by what I'm seeing on Sex and the City. So, it started when I watched Sex and the City, the movie, for the first time a few weeks ago. Then, I downloaded the 1st 2 seasons of the TV show to see what the show was actually like. At first, I was appalled by the ugly '90s fashion and the multiple asides that makes up the show (because Carrie "interviews" all these people for her column, so they talk into the camera lens, which is a bit weird). But then, as I watched more and more, I realized that the common dating dilemmas that Carrie and her friends faced are actually not so different from ones that young adults and even teenagers are still experiencing: Guys just want the physical with no emotional attachments, Sex can turn into a power struggle or a demonstration of power in a relationship, Guys with weird fetishes, Guys who don't call girls back even though they promised, Monogamy vs. Friends With Benefits. What haven't we seen or experienced? What hasn't made us want to pull out all of the hair that we worked so hard to grow out and tame? Why is it that with advances in medicine and technology and an overall betterment of our lifestyle, we still see the same dating nightmares?
And all of it is so ironic. When women want a serious relationship, guys don't. So then we try to be like a guy and take a dab at the whole "friends with benefits" thing, but then we find out that the guy we're trying that with actually wants to be in a relationship. And in the end, we're the ones who get labeled as whores, heartbreakers and bitches. Rough life.
What's even more depressing is that these dilemmas will evolve and become more complex as we get older. Then, apartments, jobs, money and the dreaded biological clock will only serve as gas being added to a crackling flame. I just don't understand why it's so hard to find another person with the same intentions, goals and values. I'm sure you're snorting as you read this. Afterall, it's coming from a happily dating girl. What has she got to complain about, right? The thing is, SATC isn't exactly painting a very bright picture of the future (not to mention it feeds into my aversion of cities). I hope that the quality of relationships and the ease of dating will be directly proportional to the advancements in technology because otherwise, we're in for a pretty hard knock life.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Death of an Elephant
I started reading Water for Elephants today, after I saw a copy of it in Chinese at the library. That doesn't quite explain why I stopped reading the Life of Pi & picked up Water for Elephants, which had already been sitting at home for a week, but basically, I thought, "Well, if it got translated into Chinese, then it must be a worthwhile book to read."
So, as I'm reading, this horrible feeling of dread and fear creep up on me because the narrator is 90-something years old in the first chapter. I couldn't help but to picture wrinkly, helpless senior citizens sitting around in the cafeteria knowing that today, tomorrow, or perhaps a week from now, would be their last day on earth. Then I began thinking about what would happen to me when I die. The most unpleasant part to imagine was having dirt dumped over my face, but I soon realized that that would never happen, because I would be inside a coffin. But seriously, the most unsettling part about death is not knowing what happens to your body and to your soul, if there even is such a thing. Would it just be like being paralyzed in a dark room? Or would it be like sleeping, where you're taken into a dream world? I wonder if people will ever think of me after I pass and if I'll be aware that they're thinking of me. I wonder if I'll be aware of anything at all. What am I supposed to do and where am I supposed to be after I leave this world? I don't really know the answers to any of these questions and I'm sure that no matter what faith or religion you believe, there are no concrete pieces of evidence to support what people believe to happen to people after death. No one has ever come back from the grave to let us know, so we can only speculate. . .which led me to think that perhaps I need to believe in something. Not just a something that I make up in my head, but an actual cause or religion. I want to believe that there is a heaven, or that we reincarnate or that our soul lives on because I can't just accept darkness and emptiness.
I'm taking a religion class (Tibetan Buddhism) in the fall, because the religion class I wanted to take (Faith and Doubt in the Modern Age) didn't fit into my schedule. But I also want to explore other religious groups on campus and hopefully, the next time I think about death, I won't feel so uneasy.
So, as I'm reading, this horrible feeling of dread and fear creep up on me because the narrator is 90-something years old in the first chapter. I couldn't help but to picture wrinkly, helpless senior citizens sitting around in the cafeteria knowing that today, tomorrow, or perhaps a week from now, would be their last day on earth. Then I began thinking about what would happen to me when I die. The most unpleasant part to imagine was having dirt dumped over my face, but I soon realized that that would never happen, because I would be inside a coffin. But seriously, the most unsettling part about death is not knowing what happens to your body and to your soul, if there even is such a thing. Would it just be like being paralyzed in a dark room? Or would it be like sleeping, where you're taken into a dream world? I wonder if people will ever think of me after I pass and if I'll be aware that they're thinking of me. I wonder if I'll be aware of anything at all. What am I supposed to do and where am I supposed to be after I leave this world? I don't really know the answers to any of these questions and I'm sure that no matter what faith or religion you believe, there are no concrete pieces of evidence to support what people believe to happen to people after death. No one has ever come back from the grave to let us know, so we can only speculate. . .which led me to think that perhaps I need to believe in something. Not just a something that I make up in my head, but an actual cause or religion. I want to believe that there is a heaven, or that we reincarnate or that our soul lives on because I can't just accept darkness and emptiness.
I'm taking a religion class (Tibetan Buddhism) in the fall, because the religion class I wanted to take (Faith and Doubt in the Modern Age) didn't fit into my schedule. But I also want to explore other religious groups on campus and hopefully, the next time I think about death, I won't feel so uneasy.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Sick(o)
I tried watching Sicko, the Michael Moore film, but I couldn't stomach it. It wasn't gory or anything, but the fact that people have to live in deplorable situations simply because their healthcare costs drove them out of their homes makes me sick. If people with health insurance can't even afford multiple surgeries and hospitalizations, how can those without it cope? Unfortunately for me, I was eating when I started watching the movie and I had to stop because I felt so nauseated. Maybe I'll continue some other time.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Good Ol' UVA
Well, sure enough, I did have fun on July 6th because I was at orientation. Coincidence? Meant to be? Contrived? Take your pick.
I think orientation is meant to ease your worries because you get so many of your questions answered and you get to meet a few people before starting school etc. But for me, the whole ordeal just made the pre-college nerves worse.
I hated meeting so many Virginians. I tried to screen whom I met over the past few days by discreetly checking out people's name tags first to see where they were from before approaching them to say hi. Much to my dismay, trying to find an out-of-state student was a combination of trying to pick out the fine bones in a fish fillet combined with trying to pick perfect apples from a pile of last week's imports: tedious and nearly impossible. And for some reason, I was always surrounded by nursing students, whom I would hardly ever see again once school started because their classes are mostly in their own area of the campus. I'll just attribute the latter to luck (or rather lack thereof).
The only other aspect of UVA that I'm uncomfortable with is overwhelming whiteness and preppiness of the whole place. It makes me not want to get a Vera Bradley all-in-one wristlet, as useful and convenient as they are. I simply don't want to be just like everyone else, but at the same time, I can't help but wish that I would effortlessly be accepted by my peers. But, in order for that to happen, would I have to get one of those horribly floral wristlets along with a pair of Rainbows and some J. Crew cardigans. Yeah, I'm already spending thousands of dollars on tuition, definitely not gonna waste more money on stuff that everyone else has.
So hopefully, the school year will be nothing like orientation. I'm not sure whether I should just try to meet as many people as I can instead of picking out out-of-state students, non-preppy people, pre-comm etc. Maybe the problem isn't everyone else; it's me. I probably just need to get over myself & get over my Maryland-ness.
I think orientation is meant to ease your worries because you get so many of your questions answered and you get to meet a few people before starting school etc. But for me, the whole ordeal just made the pre-college nerves worse.
I hated meeting so many Virginians. I tried to screen whom I met over the past few days by discreetly checking out people's name tags first to see where they were from before approaching them to say hi. Much to my dismay, trying to find an out-of-state student was a combination of trying to pick out the fine bones in a fish fillet combined with trying to pick perfect apples from a pile of last week's imports: tedious and nearly impossible. And for some reason, I was always surrounded by nursing students, whom I would hardly ever see again once school started because their classes are mostly in their own area of the campus. I'll just attribute the latter to luck (or rather lack thereof).
The only other aspect of UVA that I'm uncomfortable with is overwhelming whiteness and preppiness of the whole place. It makes me not want to get a Vera Bradley all-in-one wristlet, as useful and convenient as they are. I simply don't want to be just like everyone else, but at the same time, I can't help but wish that I would effortlessly be accepted by my peers. But, in order for that to happen, would I have to get one of those horribly floral wristlets along with a pair of Rainbows and some J. Crew cardigans. Yeah, I'm already spending thousands of dollars on tuition, definitely not gonna waste more money on stuff that everyone else has.
So hopefully, the school year will be nothing like orientation. I'm not sure whether I should just try to meet as many people as I can instead of picking out out-of-state students, non-preppy people, pre-comm etc. Maybe the problem isn't everyone else; it's me. I probably just need to get over myself & get over my Maryland-ness.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
1st's
I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write a new post on the FIRST day of July, now could I?
Well, I would say today was more eventful than most because I was not at home, but then again, reading the last of the Twilight Saga while sitting in your dad's cubicle isn't exactly what most people would call eventful. When writing that, I think of those 6 Flags commercials with the tag line, "More flags, more fun." And today was definitely just ONE flag.
I thought about rating today as maybe just HALF a flag, but there were a few things that bumped it up to a full one.
1. We went to Ban Thai for lunch, one of my favorite Thai places actually. Well, I say favorite because it's the only Thai restaurant I've tried and haven't absolutely hated because of the extreme lack of authenticity in the food. Somehow, the dish that my Dad got with 2 "spicy stars" was pleasantly mild compared to my dish rated with only 1 spicy star.
2. We walked a few blocks to a bank. I really despise walking on the streets of Baltimore. I can't help but clutch my purse closer to my side the way I do in China, but not for the fear of having some poor orphan "pick-pocket" you, but for the fear of seriously getting mugged. Pick-pocketing and mugging are two VERY different things. . .
3. I then had to walk across the street all by myself to withdraw some money, which wouldn't have been so bad had the amount been the usual $20. I had to withdraw $3,000 (in order to put it into a new Citibank account). And little did I know, ATMs have a daily limit on the withdrawal amount. Great. I walked back across the street trying not to look like I just stuffed 25 $20-bills in my clutch. The Cantonese personal banker told me to actually go inside the other bank and make the withdrawal. Just what I wanted to hear, another trip across the street. So I walk back, go inside this time and bug out at the length of the line. Impatiently, I scoot behind a tall white guy and tried to peak around him every few minutes to see if the first person in line had perhaps fallen asleep. She hadn't. It was really taking this long. Finally, when it's my turn, I ask for the rest of my money, hoping that she was going to spare me and give me a check so my clutch wouldn't grown any fatter. No luck there. She handed me a thick envelope and called for the next person in line. I envied the person who would get to mug me today, but hoped that there would be no such person. As you may have already guessed, nothing happened to me as I passed a bunch of people waiting lazily for the bus, or when I stood at the intersection to wait for the traffic signal or when I was finally walking across to the other side of St. Paul's Street.
4. After I felt like my heart couldn't take another moment of excitement, the banker told me to spin a fortune wheel type thing for the chance to win a prize. The words flashed by, "$10 gift card", "$50 gift card", "Baseball cap" etc. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied a Cannon digital camera on display at the prize table perched next to a green Froggy-bank. I didn't want to get my hopes up because I knew then I would never get it for sure, but I couldn't help but give out a sigh of disappointment when the arrow passed the Froggy-bank label and landed on the words "Travel mug." Wonderful, another excuse to feed my caffeine addiction. That's really gonna help me grow taller and age gracefully. Not.
I really wanted that Froggy bank :( I think that would've bumped the fun flag rating to 2 or 2.5. Oh well, I guess it's appropriate that I only get 1 fun flag for the 1st of July. Maybe I'll have more fun on July 6th!
Well, I would say today was more eventful than most because I was not at home, but then again, reading the last of the Twilight Saga while sitting in your dad's cubicle isn't exactly what most people would call eventful. When writing that, I think of those 6 Flags commercials with the tag line, "More flags, more fun." And today was definitely just ONE flag.
I thought about rating today as maybe just HALF a flag, but there were a few things that bumped it up to a full one.
1. We went to Ban Thai for lunch, one of my favorite Thai places actually. Well, I say favorite because it's the only Thai restaurant I've tried and haven't absolutely hated because of the extreme lack of authenticity in the food. Somehow, the dish that my Dad got with 2 "spicy stars" was pleasantly mild compared to my dish rated with only 1 spicy star.
2. We walked a few blocks to a bank. I really despise walking on the streets of Baltimore. I can't help but clutch my purse closer to my side the way I do in China, but not for the fear of having some poor orphan "pick-pocket" you, but for the fear of seriously getting mugged. Pick-pocketing and mugging are two VERY different things. . .
3. I then had to walk across the street all by myself to withdraw some money, which wouldn't have been so bad had the amount been the usual $20. I had to withdraw $3,000 (in order to put it into a new Citibank account). And little did I know, ATMs have a daily limit on the withdrawal amount. Great. I walked back across the street trying not to look like I just stuffed 25 $20-bills in my clutch. The Cantonese personal banker told me to actually go inside the other bank and make the withdrawal. Just what I wanted to hear, another trip across the street. So I walk back, go inside this time and bug out at the length of the line. Impatiently, I scoot behind a tall white guy and tried to peak around him every few minutes to see if the first person in line had perhaps fallen asleep. She hadn't. It was really taking this long. Finally, when it's my turn, I ask for the rest of my money, hoping that she was going to spare me and give me a check so my clutch wouldn't grown any fatter. No luck there. She handed me a thick envelope and called for the next person in line. I envied the person who would get to mug me today, but hoped that there would be no such person. As you may have already guessed, nothing happened to me as I passed a bunch of people waiting lazily for the bus, or when I stood at the intersection to wait for the traffic signal or when I was finally walking across to the other side of St. Paul's Street.
4. After I felt like my heart couldn't take another moment of excitement, the banker told me to spin a fortune wheel type thing for the chance to win a prize. The words flashed by, "$10 gift card", "$50 gift card", "Baseball cap" etc. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied a Cannon digital camera on display at the prize table perched next to a green Froggy-bank. I didn't want to get my hopes up because I knew then I would never get it for sure, but I couldn't help but give out a sigh of disappointment when the arrow passed the Froggy-bank label and landed on the words "Travel mug." Wonderful, another excuse to feed my caffeine addiction. That's really gonna help me grow taller and age gracefully. Not.
I really wanted that Froggy bank :( I think that would've bumped the fun flag rating to 2 or 2.5. Oh well, I guess it's appropriate that I only get 1 fun flag for the 1st of July. Maybe I'll have more fun on July 6th!
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